Sunday, November 29, 2009

Painful Candy Land Game Memories for Me, Happy Memories for the Kiddies

I never could win at Candy Land.  Yeah, I know--everybody wins at Candyland, at least some of the time.  It's designed that way, right?

Well, not if you grew up in my family.  The game was angled against young Karl in the Bradley household.  That's the thing about having a domineering older sister and a dad and uncle who were just plain twisted.  I'll spare you the details.  Just understand that I always lost.  Always.  Lost.

Watch out buddy, she's about to kick your butt at the Candyland game.

Don't go off cryin' in the corner for me just yet, though.  I had my revenge.  When nobody was looking, I took out my little plastic army men--the kind with built-in foot bases--and tore the sh!t out of Candyland.  I ruled it!  Also I eventually set the damn board on fire.  That was a hoot!

Mrs. Bradley thought I should do a review for everyone's favorite childhood board game today, since it always sells like hotcakes.  I told her I didn't know what to write, since everybody already knows what it is.

"Some kids don't know what it is, Bradley," she said.

"Those kids will never buy anything I post on my blog anyway, Gertrude," says I.

"Call me when you're done with the article, Nixon," says she.  "I'm not coming home until you've encouraged people to buy the best board game ever!"

By "best board game ever," what she really means is, "That game I want to play but couldn't because my daughter thought at the ripe age of four, she was too old."

Then ol' Karl came around and let the little girl win every time.  I mean hell, I was already used to loosing anyway.  Ol' Gertrude (not her real name) always had, too--but that got old after about 500 games. 

My stepdaughter could tell she was faking.  She can't tell that with me.  I guess I just do a really good job of impersonating a loser.

Of course nowadays, companies have to make about 1,000 of anything that does well.  That's why Candy Land has a lot of variations: the Sweet Celebration Game (I have no clue, and no I don't want to look it up!), the travel-friendly "Fun on the Run" game, Dora the Explorer and Winnie the Pooh editions, and the Candy Land Castle Game (my personal favorite).

I guess there's not much else to say except that you should go and buy you some Candy Land game!

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