Buy the Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Funhouse or the Reason for the Season Will Consume Your Corpse

Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Funhouse

I've seen mixed reviews for the Zhu Zhu/Go Go Pets Hamster Funhouse on Amazon.  The good outweigh the bad two-to-one, but there's a bad one at the very top, which for some reason always makes me nervous.

But you know what?  I kinda want one of these.  I don't know if I can buy it with the 300 other things I'm getting my unborn boy (Due round about Pisces) and my stepdaughter and wife and cats and the neighbor's kids and the neighbor's cats.  Why?

This is not a Zhu Zhu Pets hamster.

1. It's a funhouse for electronic rodents.  I grew up reading cyberpunk science fiction and watching Gremlins over and over and over again.  How could I not want my kids to have a funhouse for their little pets that run on batteries, drive little plastic cars, and have names like NumNums and their own personalities?

2. It makes your Zhu Zhu pets make funny noises and dance.  The funhouse uses special "track bumps" that let each of the four hamsters user their special "interactive intelligence" to make unique sounds and funny movements.

3. It's got a bathroom.  That's right, there is a bathroom for the crazy little pets that don't poop, stink, or die.  It also includes a bedroom (because the need sleep) and a kitchen (so they can cook all the stinky lettuce they pick from the back of your teenage son's closet).

4. The Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Funhouse has four outlets with caps on them that let you tack on more of the habitat units just as soon as you can beg, borrow, or steal a few home. 

I mean seriously at the prices these are going for, you'll do well to afford half a hamster funhouse and a couple of the actual pets.  But you'll be the coolest parent on the block and your kids will love you more than anyone else's kids do.  I promise.

4. All of the rooms are connected by cute little hamster tunnels.  Hamsters love tunnels, and kids love hamsters.  Therefore, your argument is invalid.  Buy the damn Electro-Rodent Hamster Funhouse, or the reason for the season will cry!