Monday, November 30, 2009

Buy the Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Funhouse or the Reason for the Season Will Consume Your Corpse

Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Funhouse

I've seen mixed reviews for the Zhu Zhu/Go Go Pets Hamster Funhouse on Amazon.  The good outweigh the bad two-to-one, but there's a bad one at the very top, which for some reason always makes me nervous.

But you know what?  I kinda want one of these.  I don't know if I can buy it with the 300 other things I'm getting my unborn boy (Due round about Pisces) and my stepdaughter and wife and cats and the neighbor's kids and the neighbor's cats.  Why?

This is not a Zhu Zhu Pets hamster.

1. It's a funhouse for electronic rodents.  I grew up reading cyberpunk science fiction and watching Gremlins over and over and over again.  How could I not want my kids to have a funhouse for their little pets that run on batteries, drive little plastic cars, and have names like NumNums and their own personalities?

2. It makes your Zhu Zhu pets make funny noises and dance.  The funhouse uses special "track bumps" that let each of the four hamsters user their special "interactive intelligence" to make unique sounds and funny movements.

3. It's got a bathroom.  That's right, there is a bathroom for the crazy little pets that don't poop, stink, or die.  It also includes a bedroom (because the need sleep) and a kitchen (so they can cook all the stinky lettuce they pick from the back of your teenage son's closet).

4. The Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Funhouse has four outlets with caps on them that let you tack on more of the habitat units just as soon as you can beg, borrow, or steal a few home. 

I mean seriously at the prices these are going for, you'll do well to afford half a hamster funhouse and a couple of the actual pets.  But you'll be the coolest parent on the block and your kids will love you more than anyone else's kids do.  I promise.

4. All of the rooms are connected by cute little hamster tunnels.  Hamsters love tunnels, and kids love hamsters.  Therefore, your argument is invalid.  Buy the damn Electro-Rodent Hamster Funhouse, or the reason for the season will cry!

Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Add On Wheel--Maybe Not the First Zhu Zhu Acessory You Should Buy

You'd think I'd be sick of Zhu Zhu Pets by now.  But they're such a hot item this year, I just can't sleep in the Bradley Bed without telling you everything I know about the Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Hamster Wheel.  (Don't worry--it won't amount to more than 500 words.)

If you're one of my five readers, you already know that the little Zhu Zhu guys can run all around your house in a protective ball, and can even jump in and start their own cars.  But did you know they can also jump on a wheel?

Zhu Zhu hamster wheel is a balanced part of any electronic rodent environment.

This is the one Zhu Zhu pets add on toy that I think you definitely should not buy as a first accessory.  After all, how much fun will it be to see your hamster just run around on it all the time?

I don't actually have one of these wheels.  I can only guess that the little electronic rodent gets on it for a little while (it does crawl through the tube and get on the wheel all by itself) and then gets back off and...drives its little car?  Runs across the floor?  I don't know.  I'm just betting it needs to do something other than spin on its little wheel all night.

I'm sorry if that doesn't sound exciting, but seriously folks, these things are selling like hotcakes and stores literally cannot keep them on the shelves.  Honestly it's something I can understand, the Zhu Zhus are pretty cute and pretty fun.

But the wheel, I'm sorry, I am lost here.  I think that maybe it's just part of any complete Zhu Zhu Hamster set.  But personally, I would go for the much more reasonably themed Zhu Zhu Pets Surfboard and Sleep Dome.  Because somehow, that just makes more sense.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Garage

In case you haven't noticed, I’m thoroughly fascinated with electronic rodents.  And because I like it when said rodents own and drive lots of cars, I’m also fascinated b the Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Garage.

Why?  Because there is only one thing more sickly-cute fascinating than an furry electronic hamster.  And that's one of the little faux-crawlers driving a hamster-powered sedan is what.  And you damn well know it is.

WTF is he saying?  Something about electronic nuggets, I'm sure.

With the Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Garage, your furry bundle of artificial intelligence can cruise around their Hamster Habitat world or across your living room floor. Either way, the zoomy cuteness will have your kids smiling from one candy-coated cheek to the other on Christmas morning.

 When your Zhu Zhu Pets comes down the connecting tunnel towards the Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Garage, the garage door magically opens, your Zhu Zhu Pets hops into the hamstermobile and away they zoom!

The Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Garage comes with a hamster garage, a hamstermobile and a tunnel section with connectors.  The garage door opens when the toy reaches the end of its magic rodent tunnel; then the little guy gets into the hamstermobile all on his very own, and rides away like nothing crazy just occurred!

This one looks intent.  Guess he's posing hardcore for his first photo shoot.

As you can already guess, you can hook the garage up to any one of the thirteen hamster habitats the company sells over at Amazon.

So go ahead and get your kids a Zhu Zhu Pets Add On Garage.  Because there's nothing quite like seeing an electronic rodent drive a car.  And you don't even have to take drugs to see it.

Painful Candy Land Game Memories for Me, Happy Memories for the Kiddies

I never could win at Candy Land.  Yeah, I know--everybody wins at Candyland, at least some of the time.  It's designed that way, right?

Well, not if you grew up in my family.  The game was angled against young Karl in the Bradley household.  That's the thing about having a domineering older sister and a dad and uncle who were just plain twisted.  I'll spare you the details.  Just understand that I always lost.  Always.  Lost.

Watch out buddy, she's about to kick your butt at the Candyland game.

Don't go off cryin' in the corner for me just yet, though.  I had my revenge.  When nobody was looking, I took out my little plastic army men--the kind with built-in foot bases--and tore the sh!t out of Candyland.  I ruled it!  Also I eventually set the damn board on fire.  That was a hoot!

Mrs. Bradley thought I should do a review for everyone's favorite childhood board game today, since it always sells like hotcakes.  I told her I didn't know what to write, since everybody already knows what it is.

"Some kids don't know what it is, Bradley," she said.

"Those kids will never buy anything I post on my blog anyway, Gertrude," says I.

"Call me when you're done with the article, Nixon," says she.  "I'm not coming home until you've encouraged people to buy the best board game ever!"

By "best board game ever," what she really means is, "That game I want to play but couldn't because my daughter thought at the ripe age of four, she was too old."

Then ol' Karl came around and let the little girl win every time.  I mean hell, I was already used to loosing anyway.  Ol' Gertrude (not her real name) always had, too--but that got old after about 500 games. 

My stepdaughter could tell she was faking.  She can't tell that with me.  I guess I just do a really good job of impersonating a loser.

Of course nowadays, companies have to make about 1,000 of anything that does well.  That's why Candy Land has a lot of variations: the Sweet Celebration Game (I have no clue, and no I don't want to look it up!), the travel-friendly "Fun on the Run" game, Dora the Explorer and Winnie the Pooh editions, and the Candy Land Castle Game (my personal favorite).

I guess there's not much else to say except that you should go and buy you some Candy Land game!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Goodness Gracious, Great Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Adventure Ball of Fire!

If you think electronic rodents sound like a good idea (and you should),just wait till you see the Zhu Zhu Pets Adventure Ball.

If you haven't heard of the Zhu Zhu Pets Hamsters yet, just click the link above.  Or read on below...

OMG Pipsqueak run away, run away from the weirdo with the hands!

These guys are little electronic rodents that act all cute so that your kids love them but they don't poop or stink or die.  Or get sucked up into the vacuum cleaner, eaten by your pet cat (or mine), etc.

They have a little bit of artificial intelligence with them, so that that they each have their own personalities and can interact with the furniture in your house (haven't you always wanted toy that can interact with the furniture?).

More importantly, they are programmed to act like real hamsters that want to cuddle with your kids.

These guys have a lot of accessories to go with them (13 at last count).  So when your kids get tired of cuddling their pets in "loving mode" and watching them run around in "adventure mode" (there's a switch), you can put these little suckers in their Zhu Zhu Adventure Ball and watch more craziness ensue!

Whether you have Chunk, Pipsqueak, NumNums or Squiggles; this toy will make it fun to watch your kids play with the hamster--or even watch the hamster play with itself!  Especially when you know there won't be any hamster cages to clean up.

One of the toy's big advantages is that your hamster can move more easily over deeper carpeting. So if your pimp bachelor pad with the thick burgundy carpeting has now become a munchkin playground full of burp-up and puree food stains, the Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Adventure Ball (a great ball of adventure!) is just right for you.

Mindflex Promotoes Telekinesis in Young Adults--News at 11

How can I express how excited I am about the new Mindflex Game game from Mattel?  I can't do it with words--but maybe I can hurl a ball at you with my mind!

Mindflex is a game that allows you to levitate and move a ball with the power of  your mind--and a little help.  The Mindflex strip actually reads your freakin brainwaves.  Crazy, huh?

That's almost an exaggeration.  It doesn't read your thoughts like a book (and even if it did, it couldn't tell anybody).

What it does is measure your brainwave activity with a headstrap that uses EEG technology to measure your concentration.  The more you concentrate, the more powerful the fans will move your little blue ball.

Here is an example of Lenny the Wonder Wizard before go out to drink Wild Turkey:

Lenny's sober brainwaves power Mattel's Mindflex game before we go drink Wild Turkey.

As you can see, this thing's got potential.  It's perfect for freaking young kids the hell out, and it's a great toy if you're a young bookish sort who always looses at family holiday arm wrestling matches (not that I've ever been there). 

(There is also a half-price Star Wars version of this game--or this kind of game--I'll have to tell you about really soon.)

There is one myth about the Mindflex game that ought to be dispelled, though.  I've read it said that the game amplifies your brain waves in order to move a ball around.  That sounds exciting but it just ain't so.

It measures your brain's output and controls the base's fans (the ones that blow to move the ball) accordingly.  Just wanted to clear that up--maybe someday you'll see me on Penn and Teller!

Friday, November 27, 2009

EyeClops Night Vision Googles Will Turn You Into a Ninja Chuck Norris

EyeClops Night Vision Infrared Stealth Goggles  are the greatest thing since those plastic satellite-dishes with the pistol handles and headphones that let you point and pull and listen to anything going on outside of immediate earshot.  (Or point and listen and pull...well, you get the picture).

I would have loved this thing when I was a kid.  In fact, I love it right now!  I'm just waiting the requisite 8 years or so that it'll take little Bam Bam to turn into the lean, mean, night-fightin' machine to play water-guns or paintball with Daddy.

(Okay, my kid might not turn out like that at all.  I can accept that.  And I won't mind sitting out in the bushes with my EyeClops goggles and sound-spying equipment on.)

It's not a battery hog, either--just takes five AA batteries, so it won't make your kid's head to heavy.  It's got an  LED screen display on for the right eye.  So if your little one just happens to be named Odin and he traded in his left eye for the ability to see the future, well, now he can see it at night, too.

(There's also an eye-piece over the left eye that your kid can flip open in case he gets disoriented and feels like he's gonna puke.  You should also tell your kid to use it with the eye piece open if they ever get crazy and use the EyeClops by itself--which maybe they shouldn't--just to make sure they don't trip over anything or fall into any holes.)

Professional actors display how Mrs. Bradley spies on me while I simulate sleeping.

If I could vote twice for EyeClops Night Vision Infrared Stealth Goggles  then I would--but I'm only registered in one state.  It's a great toy for your young adventurer or S.E.A.L-to-be, and you may even want to use them on a few covert ops of your own (wink nudge)!